Author: Sugar Dick Dupree
Message from MDC-D (Dupree) first secretary Senator Cde Robert Gabriel Dupree
I hope i find you all in good health. May the Lord be with you.
MDC-Dupree would like to apologise to our supporters who have been patiently hoping that they would get an opportunity to vote. Your patience will be rewarded. We took our issue to SADC and requested for a summit on reforms. Good news is that a summit will be held mid August in which i will fight like a terrorist for you. We also seek to nullify the election results.
As for the manifesto, we apologise for the delay in it’s release but we have been experiencing financial difficulties lately. The money that we raised at our last conference was eaten by a stray dog after i accidentally left my car door open. Not a single note survived. All US$75 000 was eaten! My apologies.
Some of you might have heard the allegations surrounding my house maid and i but i can say that this was a set up by the regimes of Mugabe and Tsvangirai. It’s a downright lie! They have been frustrating our efforts to bring democracy from day one to Zimbabwe and we will not allow them to destroy the good name of our party.
In the name of our Lord, we will fight them tooth and nail.
Since the day i entered politics, my life, everything has been played out in the media and i have become an innocent bystander in what is supposed to be my private life. Can’t a politician be entitled to his life anymore?
The vultures in ZANU and MDC have been baying for my blood and i believe they have used my maid to achieve this goal.
Now, they are saying that i raped my maid but this is far from the truth. Nothing of this sort happened.
This is what happened.
On the day in question, i believe this was the 20th of July, my wife had gone for two weeks to attend a funeral in rural Zaka so i was left home alone with the maid.
Around 9pm, I was sitting in the lounge strategising our next strategy to move our party and Zimbabwe forward, when the maid, who i’ll call Pauline, walked into the lounge to say goodnight to me. She was wearing a see through shiny red dress. Her big breasts and massive buttocks were on full display and this made my blood hot…with anger.
When she walked out of the lounge, the red colour just reminded me of MDC-T, because red is their party’s colour. As you know, i don’t like the MDC-T. This made my blood boil even further and my BP was rising. Why was she wearing the MDC-T’s colours in my house?! Who does she think she is to do that? This was unacceptable and a violation of the rules in my house.
I tried hard to concentrate but the anger within me was just too much to handle.
I believe it was at this point that my blood made my body so hot that i had to remove my shirt,my vest and then my trousers, my socks..and then the my pants.
I tried getting back to strategising the way forward for our party but i was just too angry. I was so angry that my own penis was angry too. It was very erect and i didn’t know what to do so i thought it’d be better if i cooled it down by wearing a condom. Usually, when i wear a condom, my penis becomes very soft.
I kept thinking of that red dress that Pauline was wearing. Why did she do this to me? Surely, she wanted me to fire her. Please believe me when i say that i do not find Pauline attractive. Yes, she is a nice woman with nice big breasts and very lovely buttocks but i am married and God fearing, above all i’m dedicated to making a good name for my party, so I can’t be attracted to her. It’s just that i was very angry with her choice of colour.
My penis remained very, very angry so I decided I’d go to the kitchen to get an apple to calm me down.
As i stood up from the couch, my legs suddenly started behaving in a strange manner. They were moving me in a direction i didn’t want to go. I directed my body in the direction of the kitchen but my legs were very determined. I fought mercilessly against them but I can’t cut off my legs, can I?
They suddenly directed me in the direction of Pauline’s bedroom.
I tried hard to fight them but I just couldn’t. In the end, i gave up and I found myself walking to Pauline’s room. I thought maybe it was the Lord who wanted me to confront Pauline for wearing MDC-T colours in my house.
When i entered her room, Pauline wasn’t asleep yet. She asked me why i was naked and i told her that her red dress has made my blood boil. I walked towards her and i think it’s at this point, i believe, that a strange feeling overcame my legs. Before i knew what was happening, my legs made me accidentally fall on top of her.
As i fell on top of her, my face landed directly onto her big breasts. I fought hard in an attempt to get my face out of her big breasts, but for some reason I found myself shaking my head. Maybe i was disgusted with myself. It was very odd because as i was shaking my head on her breasts, i was blowing them and making ‘brrrr brrrr brrrr’ sounds. I opened my mouth in an attempt to apologise to her but her nipple accidentally fell into my mouth! I tried to pull away but my tongue and lips were stuck onto it. The Lord is my witness.
I opened my eyes and then i saw the red dress. I think the correct term to describe the dress would be MDC-T regalia. So, as soon as i saw the regalia, I lost my temper. It felt like i had seen Tsvangirai’s face and this made me really angry so i started tearing up the regalia.
I managed to tear up the regalia.
I then stood up so i could apologise to Pauline but within seconds, my legs made me fall down again right on top of Pauline and then my hand did something very terrible. My hand guided itself to my penis and removed the condom. I did not know what had come over me. I then felt a force of nature push my back and my penis accidentally entered Pauline’s body through her vagina.
I tried hard to exit Pauline’s vagina but the force of nature kept pushing me up and down into her.
I believe it was at this point that something bad entered my body because my eyes were rolling back and forth.
I fought and fought to free myself from her vagina and after two minutes, I managed to do it. Thanks to the Lord. I looked at my penis and noticed that it was bleeding creamy-white stuff. I know some of you will think i had ejaculated in her vagina and the creamy-white stuff is sperm, but i completely deny this. This was evil blood!! It had to be!
I regained control of my legs and managed to run to the toilet to clean myself…and pray.
Two days later, a very different version of this terrible event was published in the media and some vultures are now accusing me of rape.
This has led me to conclude that there is a greater and thicker plot surrounding this issue. I have become a spectator and a bystander as things are happening too fast, on camera and in the press all without obtaining the real version of events from me.
I am not a rapist!
I did not have sex with Pauline.
I am a concerned father fighting corruption and nepotism.
Thank you Zimbabwe.
We shall conquer!
Vote MDC Dupree
Your faithful servant Zimbabwe.