Anatomy of An Affair

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by Adina

The lips of an adulteress drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil … Keep to a path far from her, do not go near the door of her house … Proverbs 5:3 & 8

Ndakakutadzirei nhai mai vevana ??”
Waishayei pamba pano nhai?
With tears in his eyes, my ex-husband cried and screamed these questions at me on the day he found out kuti ndaihura naBoss vangu.All the while, I stood there nenyadzi …in shock.

At that moment , I realized that nothing in that moment would have given him the solace and comfort that he was looking for — or that I was looking for. His care and love had been transformed into disdain and hate for the devil I had chose to become.

If you are reading this and condemning me,and sentencing me to death by lethal injection you are within your rights.i deserve it .

Men often think providing material comforts and cash keeps a woman happy …..well for a while ….but women are more likely to stray as they are seeking emotional fulfillment, an improvement to their self-esteem and romance. Women need a friend a companion a stallion in the sack as well as a powerful man.Why women cheat will depend on how fulfilled they feel in their marriages.

“Unofunga kuti pane achakuda here ,nekufuta kwawaita uku ?”These words cost my marriage .
They pierced straight at my heart like a knife the pain they caused me was unbearable and suffocating.Funny enough providence provides Greg saw me the next morning and his words acted like a cushion which my weary body could rest on and like a dressing to the wound in my heart .
” hello there gorgeous my brain had stopped working all weekend till now that I’ve seen you ..you look refreshing .”Greg said …………and that’s just what I needed.

That’s all I wanted reassurance to my lost confidence a boost to my crushed ego and a lift to my self esteem …Greg was my boss ~~then ~~a Bank Manager at Standard Chartered ..Karigamombe Centre and that’s how the affair started.I loved my husband and never dreamt of leaving him but he took me for granted .He never saw me as attractive he now saw me as a boring wife the mother of his kids .
I yearned for that first rush of adrenaline with a new lover . I yearned for mind blowing sex .I yearned for a man who saw me as an attractive woman.

We met after work in his office we kissed hungrily for a while then he started sucking my boobs exclaiming how firm they still were then he was fingering me as I felt for his cock .I gripped his cock and began sucking it . I wanted to deep throat him but physically couldn’t. It was hard enough not scraping him with my teeth. The thing was big .my jaw was getting sore after sucking him for long. I let out an audible moan of pleasure as I popped the cock head out of mouth and straddled him .i was on fire .

Sex with Greg was hot and wild.
Spontaneous and fun.I went home with love bites after wild sex.This was the beginning of a long hot romance which ended sadly in my divorce.

After much soul-searching, I finally got to understand what drove me to cheat and why I had stepped into the ranks of cheating women:

We should underline that for both men and women there is nothing wonderful about cheating .
It’s a shameful demeaning sinful thing .
The first rush of excitement and adrenaline is quickly replaced by guilt and a wave of remorse …we all pray not to get caught …why continue one might ask …??
Just to break the routine to break the dull sound of monotony ...

1. My mindset. I was still living with the illusive notion that happiness was something that I could acquire from an external source;
Back then, I bought into the notion that because I wasn’t happy, someone else could dish happiness up on a silver platter. As my ex husband was not able to, someone else could surely, right? This of course is not true .

Lesson
Cheating as an escape route is a fallacy i understand now that running away from myself was not the answer and that I am responsible for my own happiness and fulfillment. My happiness is, under no circumstances my partners responsibility .I should have just lost weight .

2. The inferiority factor. I honestly believed I was doing something wrong in the relationship and had lost self esteem.

Lesson
What I now realize is that our beliefs about how we see ourselves can lead us to do some crazy things. Belief systems can be powerful catalysts for how we behave .

3- I realize now that I didn’t have the maturity or the tools needed to live with the problems that my ex-husband and I had at the time. We would argue, get upset and as a result, our communication broke down and so did our intimacy. Any time we argued, I honestly believed that he didn’t love me. So, I acted out to get my own back.

Lesson
It’s important to keep the communication channels open because once you sense that they aren’t, intimacy can easily slide away. It’s important to learn about relationships with Marriage courses or even coaching admit noone knows it all ...

4. The passion died. At the time, I remember i wanted to feel wanted our marriage had settled into a routine….the we have sex on Sunday night thing -I wanted to break free from this and thought that the best way was to do it through a selfish act.

Lesson
Passion outside marriage is short lived the excitement soon dies.

All of these reasons sound like excuses, and you know what?yes Cheating is a selfish act.

If you are a woman who is contemplating cheating or a woman who has cheated, I ask you to contemplate what it is that is bringing on these feelings and what provoked you to act on them.correct it .

Make steps to keep the marriage alive..!!

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