Small penis Help desk

Although many women find big penises visually stimulating, most admit that they wouldn't like to have one inside them. So don't feel insecure if your penis is below average; there are so many ways you can make up for it as a lover.

The truth about small penis size is interesting – and one that many men who find themselves in this position find hard to accept. That is, for most women, the size of a guy's penis is well down the list of things which are important to them in a relationship.

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't want to sound like an apologist for men who have smaller than average endowments, because I do know that many women like to look at men's bodies, and they also like to see a penis which is visually stimulating because of its size. Sure! We all have a natural curiosity like this. But maybe the point which men miss here is that this is no different to men finding large breasts attractive – and there are only a very few men for whom this would be a determining factor in whether or not they had a relationship with the woman concerned! This logic is even more true for women, whose values of a potential partner include factors such as loyalty, honesty, reliability, commitment, strength and compassion. Though women like to look at bodies, they aren't that important a factor in deciding whether or not to form a relationship.

But of course, that leaves open the question of what this means in practice if you happen to be a man with a small penis, and you lack confidence in sexual relationships because of it. For one thing, it may seem alike a major effort every time you want to go to bed with a woman – and the psychological barrier to intimacy of a small penis, blocking your moves towards sexual intimacy because you fear the eventual outcome of being naked with a woman, can seem insurmountable.

It's to be hoped that hearing the words over and over again – "It doesn't matter to a woman" – may help you to overcome your problems. But ultimately there is no choice but to leap in, as it were, to take the plunge towards sexual intimacy. You can forewarn your partner – "I have some shyness round my dick, because I've always felt it's a bit smaller than average" – which, to be truthful, may be honest but isn't likely to garner you much admiration. Or you can find a way of giving her great pleasure, so she sees you as a wonderful lover and the size of your cock pales into insignificance behind that fact. So my suggestion to you is this: become an expert at cunnilingus. Show her that your only concern is for her orgasm and for her pleasure. Give her head before you even think about penetration. You'll find that she appreciates you more for this than for any other aspect of your lovemaking skills. Oral sex, let me repeat, for many women, is much more rewarding than intercourse. Sexual intercourse may give a woman a feeling of connection and intimacy, but if you're a thoughtful man, you can give her the feeling of intimacy and connection by listening and being present with her at any time, while her sexual pleasure comes from cunnilingus. See the advice we have to offer on cunnilingus here.

Question from a reader: If you have a small penis, what are the best sex positions?

My penis is only about five inches long and I just can't find a position which makes sex good for us both. In the man on top position, I find I can't make deep thrusts. In the rear entry position I find I pop out. In the side by side position I find I can't get into her and in the woman on top position I don't feel very much!))))))

First of all, it might be that you're thinking a bit too much about your size. Many men have a penis this size and they have great sex! So the first thing you need to do is drop any preconceptions about what your penis will allow you to do – the truth is this: with a bit of adaptability, you will be able to have sex in just as many positions as you want. It's actually things like the flexibility of your back that will restrict the number of positions you can get into. So let's take this step by step. First of all, in the man on top position, you can penetrate her quite deeply if she moves her legs back so her knees come up towards her chest. Ask her if she can clasp her legs around your back, crossing her ankles, and see if this gives you more sensation and/or control. You may not be able to thrust as deeply, but you may find that sex in this position is much more pleasurable due to the fact that her vagina is a bit tighter.

Next, there is an important factor in how big you are: if you and your partner are overweight, then there is, sadly, the question of a certain amount of fat getting in the way! You have to find a position where her vagina is exposed and your penis is able to get into her comparatively easily. You can research this by looking up "sex positions for large people" on Google. Certainly you will find that spooning positions are impossible if you are very overweight.

Third, be very careful if you have a small penis when she is on top. If she is riding up and down your shaft, then if your cock is a bit short you may find that she can accidentally ride up too far and you will pop out of her – the danger being that if she comes down too quickly, and at the wrong angle, then she may break your penis. So a certain amount of care is required.

There shouldn't be any problem in the man on top position, though. If she can get her legs up onto your shoulders, then you should be able to penetrate her without much difficulty, and you should be able to get deeply into her. If you're trying sex in the conventional man on top position with you both lying down, try putting a pillow under her hips to raise them a bit, so you can get more easily into her.

Sex advice for men with a small penis

First of all, fewer than than half of all women are able to have what we call vaginal orgasms. Of course some women can't reach orgasm at all, but the reality is that the vast majority of women can only reach orgasm via clitoral stimulation.

This means they can only come from stimulation of their clitoris with fingers, toys, tongue or some other part of the body (such as the penis being rubbed on the clitoris). Obviously oral sex is especially good for making a woman come through stimulation of her clitoris. So, "small" men, here is a reality check: most women do not reach orgasm during penetrative sex. Thus, for more than 50% of women, their orgasmic ability has got nothing whatsoever to do with the size of their lover's penis. (As a side note, there is one sex position, the coital alignment technique, that may in fact produce an orgasm for a woman who is clitorally orgasmic since it positions the lovers so that her clit rubs on the man's pubic bone).

Of those women who can have vaginal orgasms – and remember this is much less than half of all women – there is a further grouping into two sections: the so-called deep vaginal (or cervical) orgasm and the G-spot orgasm.

The cervical orgasm takes place in a blind ending up behind the cervix. When a woman is sexually aroused, her uterus lifts up and tilts, so that the end of her vagina is underneath it in a form of cul-de-sac, while the penis of her lover (if it is long enough) actually passes under her cervix. In some women this cul-de-sac can be stimulated with a five-inch penis; in others, simply due to them having a longer vagina, it may take a longer penis to reach the same spot.

Because this blind ending is up behind the cervix, it follows that the cervix is rubbed when the man thrusts during intercourse – but only if his penis is long enough. The problem is that many women find cervical bumping and rubbing rather unpleasant, if not painful, for it is usually only exciting if a woman is extremely aroused. In any event, women who do not like their cervix stimulated during sex will undoubtedly prefer men with a shorter penis. That is just one reason why finding the right sexual position for you and your partner is so important.

Most women who can enjoy a cervical orgasm will also be able to enjoy a G-spot orgasm. As most men and women know, the G-spot is usually located only two or three inches into a woman's vagina, on the upper wall as she lies on her back, so it is easily reached by any penis over three inches long. (In fact a male friend of mine had a penis two inches long and was able to stimulate his wife to many G spot orgasms in each session of sex – she completely adored going to bed with him!)

One drawback to stimulating the G spot is that sometimes it can make a woman feel like she needs to pee during sex, though the sensation usually goes off after a while. This can be avoided by visiting the bathroom before sex.

One great thing is that G-spot stimulation can cause the extremely exciting experience of female ejaculation, a liquid sometimes squirted by a woman out of her urethral glands during sex. Here's a page about female ejaculation and the G-spot: http://www.the-clitoris.com

The long and short of all this, of course, is that as far as length is concerned, almost every man in the world is able to stimulate a woman to vaginal orgasm – if she is vaginally orgasmic in the first place. If she isn't, then he is in exactly the same position as all other men – he can use his fingers and tongue on her clitoris to bring her to orgasm.

So what about girth? Some women say penile girth is more important than length, while some women hate the feeling of being stretched. Mostly, women do not like a large girth because it can cause painful friction in the vagina – and while men who have a thin penis, a small girth to their penis, may think that they do not feel their partner's vagina around their penis, and believe it all feels too loose during sex, the fact is that it's easy for a woman to make her vagina much more tight by strengthening her pubococcygeus (PC) muscles (which are the "sex muscles" that add to the depth and intensity of the sensations of orgasm, and which clamp around the penis during sex and close the vagina and anus in both men and women).

Kegel exercises may help in the first place, but in truth a woman needs a resistance-device called a Kegelmaster to get really good PC muscle tone. The more strength in her PC muscles, the stronger a woman's vaginal orgasms – and obviously the tighter her vagina feels to her lover during sex.

Furthermore, powerful vaginal muscles help increase the power of the woman's orgasm, and make it more satisfying. I have heard it said, though I have never seen it, that women with very strong PC muscles can actually induce a vaginal orgasm by flexing the muscles of their vagina even if there is nothing inside it. An amusing site which purports to show the best sex positions for you can be found here.

The message is clear: vaginal orgasms do not depend on penis size. They depend much more on the size and shape of the woman's anatomy and the man's regular thrusting against the G spot rather than on him sporting a cock big enough to stretch her cunt wide open! For small-dicked men the message is this: if you hit her G spot in the right way you will be a great lover!

Men may find this hard to believe. But we get the wrong images from all round us, especially porn. The reality of sex never seen in porn. Porn is about male fantasy – not about women's sexual pleasure. Women rarely come in porn films, unless they are specifically being filmed for that reason.

The reality is that women generally need at least ten to twenty minutes of direct and careful clitoral stimulation before they reach a (clitoral) orgasm. In porn the orgasms are faked! Yes, they are faked. Shocking, isn't it?

Almost no woman reach orgasm as quickly and as powerfully as appears to happen in porno films. The very few women who can reach orgasm in this way are often very skilled at sex because they have spent a lifetime developing those skills – in other words, their capacity to orgasm has nothing to do with the size of their partner's penis.

For example, women who can reach a vaginal orgasm in moments have very powerful PC muscles. The problem is that men look at porn and think it somehow represents normality – the stud's large penis producing (apparently) massive orgasms. But if you see this and conclude that your cock is not big enough to give a woman an orgasm, you are truly falling into a web of self-deception and falsehood.

Furthermore, many women have a low level of sexual desire because they lack testosterone. This will affect how easily a woman reaches orgasm – and again, without knowing this, many men will be seduced into thinking that their partner's lack of interest in having sex, or her lack of orgasms, is down to the inadequacy of their penis. Two websites which deal with female sexual problems are http://www.newshe.com and http://www.fsdinfo.org

Also most men's sex shops send the wrong image to men. Often if a man buys a sex toy for his partner he goes for the enormous, penis-like dildo. But a woman buying for herself will buy a dildo about six inches or less in length and only about an inch and a bit in diameter. The Rabbit Pearl which is one of the most popular sex toys when women do the buying, is only five inches long in the shaft.

So the message is – be a careful, sensitive lover and a strong, romantic, considerate man, and the issue of penis size fades into insignificance. And, as always, if you happen to be a man who comes quickly, exercises to help you last longer in bed will always prove a hit with your lover, especially if you take her to a massive orgasm during lovemaking!

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